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Chapter Eighteen
Lost Lore From Lokryn's * After a long night of pure, wholesome, family-friendly sussery, the bois all awaken the next morning bright and early; Bongo and James down at the bar, Skimp and Aigee upstairs in the showers, and Kaw still slamming around in the dark attic. Yawning and rubbing his eyes, Bongo spots a strange-looking character sitting over in the corner of the bar, looking very out of place. He’s a tall, thin man dressed in a formal suit, his hair slicked back. Before him sits a plastic cup of water that says STARBUCKS on the side and a small shortwave radio. He keeps fidgeting around nervously, as if he’s running from something. Under his breath, the man mutters, “I still have good relations with my folks… I just gotta keep movin’.” * “What was that?” Bongo asks groggily. “You say something, fellah?” * Taking a final sip of his water, the man in the suit rises to his feet, grabs his radio, and looks the goliath straight in the eye. He repeats: “I just gotta keep movin’.” Then he strolls out of the bar, leaving Bongo bewildered. From outside the tavern, Bongo hears a faint Rollin’ Rollin’ Rollin’. Her head slammed on the counter in a puddle of butterbeer, James gurgles to Bongo, “You’re in The Doghouse now.” ''' * '''Skimp joins the druid and monk down at the bar, squeaky-clean after an entire night spent standing in the shower. Aigee comes slithering along behind the rat, somehow even filthier than he was before stepping into the shower. Lastly, Kaw comes down from the attic to join his comrades. The oracle is wearing the ratty ol’ cloak given to him by Urgathoa, the deep hood shadowing his hideous face. * “Ughhh,” Bongo says, giving the deformed tengu-daemon THE GLARE. “What the hell happ… you know what? I don’t even wanna know.” * Scowling down at the stump where his index finger used to be, the rat rogue says, “Let’s go see if Disgusting’s done with our fingers and my tail.” ''' * '''Bongo stands up and cracks open a cold one with the bois, “No, we’re goin’ to Urtarr’s first.” he commands, sipping his cold one. “But I want my finger and tail!” the rat weeps, but the goliath merely GLARES down at him until the flood of tears eventually stops. Aigee swiftly laps up the tears, licking Skimp clean. * Bongo and the Blue Rose Task Force stroll out of the bar and onto the clean streets of Koryn. * At Urtarr’s place, Bongo picks up the dragon scale armor for Thgil and the new weapon that Urtarr was making for him out of the Adamantine Sword and the horned daemon’s skull. The magnificent war hammer not only deals holy damage, but also deals extra damage against daemons. Bongo holds the massive hammer over Kaw, showing him who The MAN is. This massive weapon would come to be known as THE BIG WEAPON, a.k.a THE BANHAMMER, a.k.a Daemon’s Bane. Skimp then asks Urtarr, “What about my cloak?” Urtarr swiftly grabs a sweaty rag from a barrel of oil and throws it at the rat, proclaiming it to be a “dragon” cloak, despite the fact that this “cloak” was merely one of the bloke’s old, gangrenous, oily rags that he uses to wash up the local puke bucket. Skimp eventually gets what he needs, a magnificent black cloak made from dragon wings that attach to his arms enabling him to glide. The bois then depart Urtarr’s shop, but not before Aigee compulsively purchases a dozen or so birthing towels that have never been washed. “Why, Aigee?!” the Bois cry, but the goo man pays them no heed as he stuffs the towels into his Bindle Of Eternal Horrors. ' * '''Aigee then attempts to sell his multi-metal mace to Urtarr, who promptly replies, “Get the goo away from me.” ' * 'Bongo then attempts to sell his trusty ol’ Flare Spear to Urtarr, for now that the goliath has The Big Weapon, he has no further use of the spear. However, after being wielded throughout numerous brutal battles, the spear looks a little rough; the tip has grown blunt, and the entire weapon is covered with ash due to the multiple times the magical flare has exploded. Bongo and Urtarr haggle over the Flare Spear for ages, until finally Urtarr accepts the spear, and Bongo exits the shop with his pocket full of shiny gold the likes of which Tamatoa would appreciate. ' * 'The Second Stop was Gyystoph’s Disgusting place. Skimp, Aigee, and Bongo form a line as Disgusting hands over their robotic fingers one by one. Since Bongo requested a realistic-looking finger, Gyystoph hands over a finger that’s wrapped in human skin. Disgusting also hands over Skimp’s lockpick tail, which flops back and forth vigorously in the breeze. ' * 'The Bois also paid a visit to Dyrli, who was wearing a snazzy fedora from Urtarr. Speaking into her mind with his new-found daemon telepathy, Kaw demanded, “GIMME THE FEDORA FOR ONE GOLD COIN.” After a moment, she replied quietly, “...No.” The oracle roared, “TWO GOLD COINS!!!!” Still, she refused. Kaw stood uncomfortably close to her and pelted a handful of gold straight into her face. Traumatized, Dyrli handed her fedora over to the ol’ crow then walked out of the room. Kaw attempted to follow, but was halted by a protective Gyystoph. Kaw quickly retrieved all his gold pieces off the floor with his slimy shoulder-tentacle. ' * '''The bois notice a lumpy pile of blankets covering something in the corner, underneath it, they hear childish muffled screaming. Aigee swiftly stole the blankets (dirty thief), revealing what they were hiding, six child-sized cages containing six malnourished children. * “What the HECK!” Bongo cried, pointing at the cages. Disgusting tried to explain the situation with a greasy smile, but the bois were not at all convinced. Outside the window, the bois saw two kindly citizens, a distressed man and a woman, pointing into the shop, yelling, “He’s got our baby! Somebody help! That robot-man in there stole our child from his crib last night!” Bongo repeated to Disgusting, “WHAT. THE. FRICKEN. HECK!!” * “Eh, it is nothing…!” the freak shrugged as he swiftly shot the couple outside with a gun built into his robotic body, hoping that the bois wouldn’t notice this obvious murder. Bongo tried his hardest to articulate the word, “HECK” but was simply at a loss for words. Gyystoph threw a new blanket over the cages then ushered the bois out of his shop. Once outside, the Bois can hear the muffled screaming of children, the snapping sounds of a leather belt, and the joyous laughter of Gyystoph inside the shop. Rather than pursue this matter further, the Bois simply look the other way. ' * '''Aigee and Kaw quickly snatch the two dead bodies outside and drag them off into a dark alleyway. When the crow and goo come back a few minutes later, their mouths are dripping with blood and gore, and the dead bodies are nowhere to be seen. ' * 'The last stop on the bois morning routine is Braxsum’s Alchemy Shop. Gorg picks up his Dragonbreath Potion from the slimy alchemist, stuffs it into his bindle, then slithers out of the shop, leaving a trail of goo. ' * 'Back onto the mean streets of Koryn, the bois walk through the town whilst snapping their fingers in unison. The citizens of Koryn quickly step out of the way as the Bois pass by, fearing their power. When the Bois are a good distance away, out of earshot, the frightened citizens whisper amongst themselves about the party of heroes. ' * 'After gathering all their supplies, the adventurers prepare to head to Lokryn’s Academy. “Wait, guys! I need more sheets!” Aigee wailed, running towards the furniture store. The bois had no choice but to follow The Gorg. ' * 'The furniture store was run by a fellow named Emory Battis. “I’ll take your finest sheets, sir!” the goo hollered. Battis threw a handful of sheets onto Aigee, giving him the appearance of a Klansman. A muffled, “Thanks!” came from under The Grand Wizard’s sheets. Bongo and James ordered some paintings to be painted for them (https://goo.gl/oRNS3C, https://goo.gl/3R2jyB, https://goo.gl/omHPaf, https://goo.gl/KmXhEA). Skimp bought the most luxurious and comfortable bed ever created from the greasy furniture store bloke. ' * '''Suddenly, Vulkyn the Madman appeared in Battis’ shop, His Papa Theme appeared with him, playing at .75 speed. “Would you five hurry up and get a move on!” he grumbled impatiently, rocking Tiny Korvinox in his hands, “You need to advance the story!” Bongo pointed to the small drow, “Hey, Vulkyn, you should wake up Korvinox. So we can talk to him! And make him smart enough to talk!” For whatever reason, Vulkyn followed Bongo’s demands, even though he had no reason to. * Tiny Korvinox awoke and spoke with a high-pitched whine at Bongo, “I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!” Bongo mocked the tiny drow, “Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of my normal mental and physical capacity.” Tiny Korvinox began fussing like an annoying baby. Pulling out a tiny scythe made of wood, the little fool started attacking Bongo’s big toe. The goliath merely laughed, “Hey, cut it out! That tickles!” he leaned down and prepared his hand to flick the tiny drow, but Vulkyn swooped in and picked Korvinox up, saving him from Bongo’s goliath flick. * The Old Man took a rest on the comfy bed Skimp was attempting to purchase. “THAT’S MY BED!!!” the rat screeched, drawing his rapier and dagger, prepared to fight tooth and nail. “Go on, young ones!” the Old Man laughed cheerily. “To Lokryn’s Academy with you!” He then vanished, taking the bed and his child with him! * The bois waddled out of Battis’ shop and headed to The Skyfoogle. “I NEED MORE SHEETS!” Aigee wailed, as he began to run towards the woods. But, luckily, Bongo was quick enough and grabbed Aigee with his Telekinetic Hand and launched him onto the ship. He landed with a splat on the bow of the ship. * Aboard the Skyfoogle, the bois meet their new crew, among them is Klistmar; all of them, except for the construct, were little human boys. “Ahoy, lads!” James bellowed, “My name is James Hurley and I’m your new captain.” But Bongo, Aigee, and Skimp were not in agreement with James’ remark. The four got into a argument over who should be the captain of The Skyfoogle. Eventually, Bongo said, “Let’s let the crew vote!” * The crew, having just met our heroes, don’t really have any opinion about who the captain should be. Aigee, Bongo, James, and Skimp all performed various acts to win over the crew. Aigee and Skimp performed a series of intricate backflips, but, poor Skimp miserably failed one of his flips, getting his foot caught in a rope. After his humiliated defeat by Aigee’s superior backflipping prowess, Skimp gave up trying to win the Captain’s seat. The crew seemed to be more inclined to Gorg now. * For James’ performance, she recited her world famous, hit single Just You. Her angelic voice resonated within the souls of the human boys, entrancing many of them, and even lulling a few to sleep. Much of the crew got on James’ side. * Bongo cracked his knuckles, “You think that’s impressive?” he chuckled. Bongo pointed an open palm at the crew and used Telekinetic Hand to lift some boys into the air. This really riled up the boys in Bongo’s favor. After telekinetically making the boys do some mid-air backflips, the druid gently placed the boys back onto the ship. ''' * '''The crew now seemed split 50-50, half voting for Aigee, half voting for Bongo. Aigee danced a little jig to try gain a few more voters. James desperately began singing again, trying to win over the boys. However, the deal was sealed when Bongo performed the most spectacular fedora trick the crew had ever seen. Their votes were cast, and Bongo was the elected Captain. * For his first official press meeting as Captain, Bongo announced, “I appreciate you all voting for me. But, I must say, I am not worthy of being captain, for I believe there is someone greater than I at sailing, and she’s standing right here.” he grabbed James’ arm and lifted it into the air, “This monk shall be your captain!” The crew gave a big round of thunderous applause. Skimp uttered a frustrated, “Re.” ' * '''With James and her inferior sailing skill heading the ship, the bois took to the skies! Volare! The trip from Koryn to the far reaches of the Zorendal Empire took a few days, but the bois kept busy. As the crew got busy HOISTING THE SALES, the Bois began wandering around the Skyfoogle, exploring its many rooms. Aigee, within a matter of hours after setting sail, had completely ruined his room below deck, it was covered in goo, wall to wall, ceiling to floor. ' * 'Kaw chose to set up camp inside a musty old broom closet where he can get some shut eye without being disturbed. Gathering a bundle of dirty rags, the oracle made a little bed on the floor and immediately passed out face-first, dreaming of his beloved mistress Urgathoa. ' * 'Skimp decided to scurry on up to the crow’s nest, where he found a disgustingly short human BOI peering through a spyglass. Skimp took a seat, his arms resting on the railing of the crow’s nest, simply unwinding after all the shenanigans in Abaddon. The short BOI throws a confused glance over at the scar-covered rat. ' * '“So, uh… who’re you?” the BOI asked. Skimp said nothing, continuing to relax as the Skyfoogle drifted through the gorgeous blue sky. The BOI attempted to move further away from Skimp, but the rat retaliated by moving closer to the BOI. The lad, UTTERLY CONFOUNDED, asked, “So…. what are you…. Who….what….?” he was at a loss for words. Never before had he found himself in such a peculiar situation. He had no idea how to respond. ' * '''“The name’s Skimp.” the rouge suddenly piped up, “Grew up on a slave plantation.” The short BOI said, “Oh… that’s nice.” A long, awkward silence followed this. The BOI’s Theme played softly in the background. * “How about you?” the rat asked finally, staring off at the clouds passing by. “You gotta name?” The BOI answered, slightly embarrassed, “Well, on account of my height, the crew just call me Little Man. I’ve been a sailor just about my whole life-” “Grew up on a slave plantation,” Skimp repeated loudly, cutting off Little Man’s words. “Life was hell, my only friend was a wizard named Klistmar.” Skimp jumped up and scanned the deck for his construct pal, “Hey! Klistmar, get up here!” he yelled. “W-what? It’s already pretty cramped up here….” Little Man said. Skimp stared straight at Little Man blankly, his eyes unblinking, devoid of any emotion. ''' * '''The rogue’s gaze was cold. Cruel. Merciless. Without looking away from Little Man, Skimp yelled again, “Come on up, Klistmar! There’s plenty of room!” Little Man nervously wiped the sweat from his brow and gulped. * Klistmar, who by now had grown accustomed to his new robotic vessel, called back up, “I don’t know about that, my friend! That’s quite a high climb!” Bongo, who was mulling around the deck nearby and overheard the construct’s dilemma, accepted a point of burn to telekinetically lift Klistmar up into the crow’s nest. “Thanks friend!” the old wizard called. * The crow’s nest was now unimaginably crowded. Little Man, who was squeezed between the bulky construct and the ratfolk rogue, felt the air being crushed out of his lungs. It felt as though every bone inside his body was being ground into a fine powder. There was absolutely no empty space within the crow’s nest whatsoever. Mere words typed upon a Google document cannot even begin to describe the inconceivable lack of physical space inside the miniscule crow’s nest. ' * '''All the while as the life was being crushed out of Little Man, Skimp never broke direct, unblinking, piercing eye contact with him. ' * '“See?” the rogue asked Klistmar. “I told you there was plenty of space for all three of us. Isn’t that right, Little Man?” The lad clenched his spyglass tightly in his right hand, “Uh…well….” he gasped, seeing his life flash before his eyes. Without warning, the BOI squirmed out of the unspeakable crow’s nest and crawled onto one of The Skyfoogle’s masts. ' * 'Skimp, deadly silent, instantly began pursuing Little Man up the mast, not letting the poor kid get 6 inches away from him. Klistmar remained inside the crow’s nest for the rest of the night, for he was unable to climb down the narrow ladder, and Bongo never offered to lift him back down with his telekinetic abilities, for the goliath was busy in his room mapping out where his paintings would go. Looking back over his shoulder, a quiet scream escaped Little Man’s lips as he saw the ratfolk looming right behind him, his red face expressionless as though carved out of stone. “Grew up on a slave plantation,” the rat repeated for the third time. ' * 'Little Man climbed up higher in the vain attempt to escape, but the rogue merely followed after him. This game of cat and mouse continued for what felt to Little Man like an eternity, but must have only been a few minutes. Finally, the short BOI sobbed, “Please, just leave me alone!” However, Little Man knew that his pleas for mercy would do him no good. For within Skimp’s empty eyes, not a single ounce of pity could be found. Little Man squirmed up to the tallest part of the ship, the flag that waved in the cold, Soresian wind. With nowhere left to flee, the innocent kid briefly considered jumping off and killing himself, ceasing the agony that Skimp chased him with. ' * '“Tell me more about yourself.” Skimp uttered, dangling off of the flag next to Little Man, his voice dry and vacant. For the rest of the night, the short BOI was forced to converse with the persistent ratfolk. It was clear that there was no chance of escape. All Little Man could do was merely submit to the inevitable. By the time the sun rose the next morning, the short BOI’s eyes were completely dry and bloodshot. He continued to sob, despite the fact that there were simply no more tears left to cry. ' * 'While this whole charade was going on above deck, below deck, Bongo was in his room attempting to Scry his brother, Lugg. The candles were set, the lighting was nominal, and the mood was just right to perform the Scrying ceremony. James Hurley started banging on the door of Bongo’s room, but the goliath ignored her for the time being. Not taking the hint, James continued knocking for several minutes. ' * '''Lugg was standing in the middle of a dark suburban street at night. Dim streetlights were the only thing illuminating the moonless night. Lugg was not alone in the street, there was a woman; she appeared to be in her late 30s or early 40s, she had short dirty-blonde hair, wore a brown jacket and a necklace with a horseshoe charm. The woman was standing a few feet away from the goliath, and was staring at him with a confused face. Lugg walked forward, oddly and outstretched his hand towards nothing, he motioned as if to turn an invisible door handle “What year is this?” Lugg asked plainly. The woman did not reply. Suddenly from the house nearest to them, another woman’s voice could be heard, “Laura?” the voice asked. The woman next to Lugg was terrified by this sound and thusly let out a skin-crawlingly shrill scream at the top of her lungs. Lugg instinctively turned to her, frightened. All of the lights in the street and the houses went out with a horrifying jolt of electricity. Everything went dark, and the scrying ended. All that Bongo was left with was a low, eerie tune. * With the scrying finished, Bongo finally acknowledges the gentle rapping upon his chamber door. “Tis some visitor,” Bongo muttered, “tapping at my chamber door— only this, and nothing more.” He swings the door open, expecting it to be one the troublemakers (such as Kaw or Aigee) but to his surprise he finds himself face-to-face with the legendary James Hurley. “Thanks for what you said back there,” the ancient panda tells him, grateful that the goliath gave up his captain position so that she may be the TRUE captain. ' * '''The two of them merely exchange a thumbs-up, for this simple silent gesture speaks a thousand words. ' * 'Down the hall, Kaw awakens from his nap and pokes his head out of his Cannibal Closet, glaring down the hall at the goliath and pandafolk. Using his daemon-telepathy, the grumpy ol’ crow delves deep into James’ subconscious, and without warning a flood of strange, terrifying memories pour into Kaw’s mind. ' * 'The crow experiences a vision of a man dressed in a dark suit, his black hair slicked back, strolling into a room. The man, sporting a charming grin, snaps his fingers over at an older man sitting in the foreground. The older man, who also wears a suit and is wearing hearing aids, cries cheerfully, “AAAAAAAAAGENT DALE COOPER!” The older and younger man exchange a thumbs-up, then the younger man says, “Gordon, I’d like you to meet a new friend of mine. I met her during my travels in Tibet.” And to Kaw’s surprise, into the room comes a younger version of James Hurley, offering the older man a thumbs-up as well. ' * '''As the vision ends, Kaw finds himself dazed and weak, unable to comprehend what he’s just seen. Pondering the vision, Kaw lurks back into his Closet and immediately falls out of consciousness. * James heads back above deck to captain the Skyfoogle, Bongo heads up as well, to tell the bois what he saw while scrying Lugg. Since James is busy captaining, Kaw is his Closet, Skimp is busy speaking to Little Man, and Klistmar is passed out or most likely dead in the crow’s nest, the only other person Bongo can talk to about his brother is none other than Aigee-Gorg. Gorg, upon hearing of Bongo’s vision, immediately knocks himself unconscious with his multi-metal mace. ' * '''I wish Thgil was here, Bongo thought to himself, staring down at the unconscious goo creature that claimed himself to be a sulli. In his boredom, the druid practiced his new telekinesis abilities a bit by throwing some of the crew around the ship while snacking on his endless supply of peanuts. ' * '''One of the crew boys approached Bongo, proclaimed himself to be “Pickle Rick” then began spasming on the deck of the Skyfoogle while making an obnoxious screeching sound. Bongo, utterly disgusted by this individual, telekinetically lifted him into the crow’s nest with the slowly dying Klistmar. * The rest of the trip to Lokryn’s was relatively uneventful. The Bois merely relaxed as their flying vessel soared through the sky, resting and recovering after their fierce quarrel with Korvinox. ''' * '''After another day of travel, the bois arrived at the Academy as night settled over Soresia. “Land ho!” James cried from the helm. But suddenly a loud crashing sound filled the bois’ ears, and, zoinks!, there was a massive hole in the side of the Skyfoogle!!! The bois had arrived at Lokryn’s Academy, but the academy was fighting back! Four towers were positioned atop the building, each with Zorendal soldiers firing massive ballistas. * “To your battle stations, men!” the captain wailed. Initiative was rolled for and the bois took their positions. Bongo and Aigee on the main cannons, Kaw manning the swivel gun, and James at the helm roaring orders at the crew. Klistmar stayed back and provided supportive spells to the bois. Skimp, with the assistance of Klistmar’s fly spell, flew to the towers firing at the Skyfoogle. * Gorg took aim at the nearest tower and fired! The reinforced tower suffered heavy damage, but was still standing. Bongo fired at the same tower, obliterating it to pieces. James dodged a slew of cannonballs and rammed the ship into one of the towers, knocking a pile of soldiers to the ground. Kaw, who was a flying giant thanks to Klistmar’s spells, pounded the towers with artillery from the swivel gun while screaming with laughter at the pitiful soldiers. “What’re you cretins aiming at?” he shrieked through his laughter as the soldiers below continued to miss the Skyfoogle with their ballistae. ' * '''As the rest of the Bois rained cannonballs down upon the Academy, the flying Skimp landed in one of the towers, surrounded on all sides by young Zorendal soldiers (who were most likely drafted into the military, and had little real-life combat experience). The young soldiers clumsily attacked the rogue, who wore a fanged, feral grin. Drawing his keen raper and obsidian dagger, the rat comes UNGLUED and starts slaughtering the soldiers (they were no more than boys, forced to fight for the Zorendal Empire against their will, to the dismay of their families) left and right, slicing off limbs and severing heads and stabbing eyeballs, completely losing himself in the madness of the bloodbath. The rogue glides from tower to tower like a madman, massacring any weakling that dares stand in his way. Blood was splattered across his grinning face and smeared on his blades. ' * '''At last, only a single soldier remains: a Zorendal scout, who goes by the unfortunate name Sweece Meesely. Having just watched all his comrades being cut down mercilessly by the ratfolk, Sweece is paralyzed with terror. Rather than end his life then and there, Skimp grabbed the scout by his collar and flew back to the Skyfoogle, where the rest of the crew and the Bois were gathered. “What should we do with this runt?” Skimp asks, wiping the blood from his face with his cloak. “Lemme have him!” Kaw hissed telepathically, beckoning the scout towards his closet. “I’m starving!” * “No!” Bongo says firmly, brandishing THE BIG WEAPON at the hissing daemon. “This young man was only following orders. He is not our enemy. We should spare him.” Aigee, who also hungers for human flesh, licks his lips and approaches Sweece with his grabby goo-hands. ''' * '''Closing in on the poor little Zorendal scout, Skimp says calmly, “It. Is. Time.” as he strikes the following fearsome pose behind some trash cans: WOWO * “Not my slice of cake,” Aigee growls. ''' * '''Sweece is surrounded and, unfortunately for him, it had been a long while since Daddy’s Wrath had reared its ugly head, and they were having withdrawals from the lack of beatings. However, there’s not enough time! The beating will have to wait until later! “Let’s lock ‘em in the brigg!” crawly-boi squeals. Bongo has a better idea, “Let’s make him repair the hole in our ship!” he lifts some debris from the tower and slams it next to the hole, “Get to work, Sweece!” * The scout, deeply traumatized by the gruesome massacre he just witnessed, gets to work nailing boards over the hole in the side of the Skyfoogle, all the while looking off into the distance with a thousand-yard-stare as the screams of his murdered comrades echo within his mind. ' * '“But what if he tries to get away?” Aigee wails. Suddenly, an extremely deep voice says, “Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on the little boy.” The bewildered Bois turn around to see a bald, very muscular, tattoo-covered, dark-skinned gentleman pointing at Sweece. This fine gentleman was one of the crewmates, an ex-convict, who reveals his name to be Zachariah. However, he prefers to go by his proper name, “Delicious”. “You fellas head on down, I’ll make sure Meesley doesn't try anything.” ' * '“...Why do they call you Delicious?” Kaw asked with a raised eyebrow. The ex-convict grinned broadly, revealing extremely white, straight teeth. “They used to call me that in prison.” he answered. * “... but why though?” ''' * '''Delicious did not reply, but his grin grew wider and wider. Aigee looked excited, seemingly infatuated by the ex-convict. Aigee said, “Yep! what a concept. I could use a little fuel myself.” * Bongo, reminded of the brave boys, instantly disliked this Zachariah character. “Look here, bucko, we’ll leave you in charge of Meesley while we’re in the Academy. But if you do anything unpleasant to Sweece, I’ll personally make sure you’re buried three feet deep under the scorching sands of Miraj!” Bongo pointed THE BIG WEAPON at Delicious, who flinched back, repulsed by the holy weapon. * Skimp added, “And you’d better not do anything to Little Man!” he drew his rapier, “Or I’ll run you threw with my raper!” ' * '''Delicious chuckled at the rat, “How do you think Little Man got his name?” he asked as he lifted his eyebrows up and down rapidly, and made odd gestures with his hands. Having enough of this nonsense, Kaw crept down to the room where the kegs of beer were stored, and promptly touched them with his goo-covered crow-hands. ' * '''With Delicious watching Sweece, the bois head down into Lokryn’s Academy. * The place is a crumbling ruin, a mere shell of what the Academy had once been. The Bois explore around cautiously, keeping an eye out for any enemies lurking in the shadows. Soon, they stumble upon a room full of dead, withered flowers; this is the North Wing of the academy, known as the Archive of Botany and Biology. ''' * '''Skimp, suddenly flying into a blind panic, searches through the room frantically looking through the various old tomes and scrolls, attempting to discover the origin of strawberries. Bongo, keeping a level-head, finds a tome detailing everything there is to know about ArchTrees. He cannot read most of the strange scribblings so he hands it over to Aigee who learns that the only seeds for ArchTrees are found on a mysterious faraway island known as Veil Paridisum, Bongo vows to one day travel to the island. * Aigee discovers some texts containing information on a plant known as the Blayderoot (pronounced Blade-Root) that, according to the writings, can create a poison deadly enough to kill gods; this poison is known as The Elixir of the Wretched. James scrounges around the room and locates a book that details all of the types of trees that can be found in some small town in Pacific Northwest, the name of the town has been lost to the ages, the scholars who wrote the book refer to it as The Northwest Passage. The book explains that this small town’s forests are home to, mainly, Douglas Firs and Sycamore trees; James stows the book safely away in her bindle. * Skimp finds nothing in the room relating to what he knows as strawberries, but he does find a tome about something called the Malidava Berries. As the writing say, these magical berries were once common place in the plane of man; but their immense power was heavily desired by the greedy, so they went into almost extinction. One man, named Varenshala, witnessing the Malidava Berries go extinct, took the remaining berries and stowed them away in his personal demiplane. The tome explains that these berries had the magic to, upon consumption, unleash one’s hidden racial abilities. * Inside another room stands four statues, the first depicting a kind angel gliding down from the heavens, the second a man raising a Zorendal flag in triumph, the third a masked rogue brandishing a dagger, and the fourth a sinister-looking drow crushing an angel beneath a shield; this is the History wing of the academy As always, the Bois are mesmerized by the statues and immediately begin plotting how to steal them from the Academy. This room is also filled with thousands of dusty old tomes. Seeing all the books, Aigee blurts out, “I WANT TO READ, BECOME MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE.” The Goo Fellow is ignored by his “comrades”. Furious at being ignored, Gorg SLAMS his feet into the precious Burger King Lettuce, ruining any potential for a high quality Doghouse King Burger. * The bois dig up various tomes that tell the tale of each of the statues. The statue of a drow crushing an angel beneath his shield portrays a warlord known as Kaldor the Usurper. Bongo instantly recognizes the name, Urgathoa told him that this drow’s soul was in Wound. In life, this Kaldor fellow destroyed all of the Burger King Fast Food Restaurants in the mortal plane. He then waged war upon the heavens, slaughtering many angels ruthlessly, and simultaneously freed mortalkind from enslavement (although this was not his true goal). ''' * '''The sculpture of the dark rogue was a depiction of Ystum Atlanius who was a thief of great renown. He was hired for his legendary skills by a secret organization called The Sus Masters to steal the Blayderoot from the god of thieves and assassins, Norgorber. He did not ask any questions and pulled off the heist without a hitch. It is unknown whether Norgorber allowed this to happen or if Ystum got in and out unnoticed. Ystum realized the power that this herb possessed, and thus denied giving it to the secret cult. He hid the Blayderoot away in a unknown cave so that no mortal could ever abuse it’s deadly, alluring power. * The statue of the angelic Aasimar depicts the first Ishandryn king, aptly named Ashmael Ishandryn. This king was the figure who brought the Age of Peace and Knowledge to the world. Ashmael was not born from a mortal womb, he was created by the Goddess Sarenrae as the first ever Aasimar. * The final statue of a human man holding a flag depicts Yarham Zorendal. A lad from Baronel that lead an uprising against the Ishandryn royal family. At the time of Zorendal’s uprising, King Astralai was the ruler of the Ishadryn. * Another figure the bois learn of is Berund Springseed, an ancient elvish druid who discovered the island of Veil Paridisum. This mysterious bloke also ushered the end of The Age of Silence by planting the very first arch tree. * There were many other old and dusty texts but the Bois decided that it was too boring to read all of them. Although the five adventurers have their differences, they all share the same belief that READING IS FOR NERDS. * After that history lesson of no small amusement, Bongo and the Badalamentis head for the next room: The South Wing, the Archive of Planum Scientia, a.k.a the Archive of the Planes. Skimp diligently researches the Fire Plane, for he still has not given up on his dream of marrying a beautiful efreeti babe. He learns that the fire plane doesn’t even exist and his entire life is a lie, he’s actually been in a coma for 20 years. It’s all a dream, Skimp! Wake up! * “This plane stuff is interesting and all,” groaned Kaw telepathically, flipping through an old tome, “but I can’t find anything in these here books about the Itholids.” Skimp attempts to back-hand the bird, but it is quickly entangled by Kaw’s shoulder tentacle. He snatches his rat-hand back, fearful of what the nasty thing will do to his hand if it remains too close to its gross, curved, slimy beak. * The Bois continued ransacking Lokryn’s Academy, gaining a map of previously unknown landmasses in the process, until eventually they discover a small room that contains an ancient safe. But before they can enter the room, the Bois come face to face with Vulkyn once again! “You are old man!” Aigee shouts. “Go back to your mountain!” Vulkyn giggles, then tells the Bois that if they wish to enter the vault-room, they must first pass a little test. “Now then,” the Old Man chirps, “who was the first Ishandryn king, hm?” The adventurers scratch their heads, unable to give the correct answer. “Oh come on!” Vulkyn wails. “You just read about him! The first Ishandryn king was Ashmael Ishandryn!!!” “Uhhh… who?” the Bois reply. * “I’m very disappointed in you five,” Vulkyn scolds them, “the DM put a lot of time and effort into this little history lesson!” * “DM?” Bongo asks. “What are you jabbering about, Old Man?” Vulkyn ignores this question, and instead continues testing the Bois. After asking several more questions (which the Bois could only provide a few correct answers to) the irritated Old Man begrudgingly allows them to enter the vault-room then teleports back to his beloved mountain in Phylum where his child is waiting for play time to begin. ' * '“I thought you were taking notes, Gorg!” Bongo growls, turning on the Goo Fellow. “I was! I was!” the goo-sulli squeals, revealing his notebook. The Goo Fellow had indeed been taking notes, however, these notes were mere scribbles and gibberish vomited onto the pages of the book. Rage flares within Bongo. He raises his calloused hand, preparing to strike Aigee for his misbehavior… however, the goliath slowly lowers his hand and utters a hoarse sigh. All of his anger vanishes in an instant, replaced with deep disappointment. Gorg pouts, knowing that his actions have greatly displeased Bongo. ''' * '''The heroes proceed into the vault-room. Inside the ancient vault they uncover top secret information pertaining to The Great Itholid War, records during the Zorendal/Ishandryn War, the Ishandryn royal family history, and the Polar Expedition. They also read about how to free Rovagug, and they learn that the Itholids have been pulling the strings and manipulating citizens’ minds during many major world-wide events, including the Zorendal Uprising. “Jinkies!” Aigee squirms, “It seems as if that king never created that silly old ‘Unity Clause.’ I guess nobody really thinks of those lesser races as equals right Skimp?” as if he needed to ask. * Once again, Aigee The Grand Wizard demonstrates his complete lack of social skills and manages to unleash Skimp’s ire. Skimp contains his emotions and vows to one day prove to the world that he is deserving of more respect than any one of those disgusting humanoids. ' * '''Gathering up as many dusty old tomes and scrolls that they can fit into their bindles, the Bois start searching around for a way out of Lokryn’s Academy, having attained the knowledge of the Itholids they were looking for. ' * 'When suddenly - - EGADS!!!!!!! A trio of bloodthirsty foes emerge from a passageway! This trio includes a ferocious lizardfolk, a man that is made out of pure shadow (the Bois recognize the lizard and shadow-bloke as two of the Zorendal hunters that attacked them in Zan Saresh) and a squid-faced fellow that makes slurping sounds at the heroes, challenging them to a tooth and nail battle to the death! But before this battle can initiate, Bongo decides to attempt to scry Thgil once again. The goliath sets up the candles and begins the ceremony as the three baddies watch patiently. ' * 'Within his mind, Bongo has a vision of the castle Thgil has taken command of. The castle has been overrun with woodland animals, and the walls are strewn with vines and flowers. The place has been cleared of all the dead bodies, presumably devoured by the carnivorous animals. Thgil appears, still walking on his hind legs and dressed in lavish robes. Upon his brow rests a small crown. Bongo realizes that all the animals are Thgil’s subjects, for the wolf has become king of the castle. Thgil marches up to another wolf, which also is standing upright. Thgil growls to the other wolf in a thick, broken accent, “Reinforce… defenses…” And with that, the vision grows dark. ' * '''With that debacle out of the way, the squid resumes his slimy attack. * “Zoo wee mama!” the faffled Kaw croaks, zipping his pants rapidly. “Now that’s a spicy meat-a-ball!” Drawing the almighty BIG WEAPON, Bongo utters his classic catchphrases, “Boy Howdy. Yibby Yibby, Yibby Yee.” * “Boy, am I hungry,” Skimp hisses as the squid-battle commences. “It’s time to refuel.” ''' * '''SESSION END!